By Laurie Notaro
IT’S LAURIE NOTARO’S vacation instruction manual.
PREPARE TO giggle YOUR TINSEL OFF.
It’s the main wonderful–and so much dreadful–season of the yr, whilst containers of tarts assault your thighs, drunken vacation revelers remain gone their welcome, and your grandmother has conniptions on the division shop over the cost of hand lotion. Welcome to Laurie Notaro’s Christmastime.
In ten brand-new tales and 3 formerly released favorites, Notaro stocks the sidesplitting day-by-day mess ups of the vacations, like discovering herself on emergency female product recon at the hours of darkness on Christmas Eve; surrendering to the inevitable terrible present Parade via easily soliciting for vacation dish towels and sizeable white underpants from Sears; fighting the morons in line on the 7th Circle of Hell, in a different way often called the selfmade craft shop; and attempting to stay down her recognition because the such a lot Unfun Christmas occasion visitor Ever, as a result of an unlucky false impression related to a pretend overdose and emergency paramedics.
So even if you end up on the boring and shrewdpermanent celebration or the Raucous and silly get together this vacation season, you’ll constantly comprehend the place to discover Laurie–just keep on with the chocolate path over to the cheese platter. She’ll be the only dialing the law enforcement officials.
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Extra resources for An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List
In its own way, the house was as horsey as Jane’s, but at a higher, wealthier level: wonderful paintings of horses, including a few by George Stubbs himself, bronzes of horses from every era, shelf after shelf of gleaming polo trophies, some of them works of art in themselves. There was a pianist at the big white Steinway grand playing tunes from Cole Porter, Noel Coward, and Rogers and Hart, while the butler circulated through the room reﬁlling people’s glasses. It was all like stepping back into the 1920s.
That’s what I said to him. ” She paused. ” “Up to a point. ” I knew better than to put the blame on Black Jack. You can’t criticize the horse somebody has lent you—it just isn’t done. Jane chuckled. “Nobody’s done that in years,” she said. ” “Aye, that he did,” Thady said contentedly. “I told him that’s what happens when you get a real daredevil in the hunt ﬁeld. ” He sipped his tea, into which Jane had poured a generous shot of Irish whiskey. ” The same thought had occurred to me, which perhaps explains why I never repeated the experience.
I gave a sigh of relief as we turned off the main road into a narrower, 38 Horse People but quieter, dirt one, then, after what seemed like a long time, onto the gravel of a driveway that took us around the side of a magniﬁcent old brick mansion to a vast expanse of lawn, on which I saw two or three dozen more horses and riders, mixed in with a lot of well-dressed people on foot—for foxhunting is as much a social occasion as a sport, in which seeing who is there and being seen are perhaps more important to most people than killing a fox.
An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List by Laurie Notaro