By Jonny Porkpie
WHO got rid of THE BUMP-AND-GRINDER? frequently, should you name a burlesque act a “show stopper,” you do not suggest it really so actually. yet this time, that is simply what occurred: The exhibit stopped useless, and so did the woman. And as I checked out her approximately bare and entirely dead physique and the bottle of poison in her hand with my fingerprints everywhere it, i presumed to myself: Porkpie, you are in for it this time…
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There was no one else there I knew except the bartender, so I sat on a stool and ordered a whiskey. A few sips into my drink, Cherries Jubliee showed up. She pushed open the front door with her ass because she was trying to talk on the phone, write in her calendar, hold a cup of coffee, and drag her suitcase all at the same time. Once inside, she attempted to wend her way through the rapidly growing crowd. An officious looking brunette with a clipboard in hand got out of the way, pulling with her a blonde girl nervously clutching a bag from the sex toy shop a few blocks away, but others were less accommodating; a ratty guy in an overcoat who walked in after Cherries glanced around quickly before shoving past her and heading towards the back of the room.
It’s weird because that bottle says what’s in it,” explained Officer Brooklyn. “It says it right there on the side of the bottle,” Officer Bronx elaborated. “Rat Poison, it says, in big letters,” clarified Officer Brooklyn. ” Officer Brooklyn scratched his nose triumphantly. I rubbed my eyes. ” said Officer Bronx. “Someone hands you a bottle says ‘rat poison’ on it, what do you think is gonna be in there? ” said Officer Brooklyn. “It was a prop,” I said. ” (Not in my acts, of course. All spirits imbibed during my performances are 100% genuine.
But it said something I didn’t think LuLu LaRue would ever say: that there was an addition to the lineup of tonight’s show, and that addition was Victoria Vice. I know it shakes things up a bit, LuLu had written, the understatement practically dripping off the page, but I’m sure you can make it work. I started to ask Casey if this was for real—LuLu had been known to pull the occasional prank—but was interrupted when Eva Desire threw open the French doors and stormed into the room. She was clearly pissed off.
The Corpse Wore Pasties by Jonny Porkpie